It’s exactly 12 hours before I have to board the plane that brings me to Canada. Surrounded by my luggage and clothes that are waiting to be tucked away, I turned on my computer and checked my e-mails. No news. “Oh, merde,” I say unconsciously. My eyes flicked around the room and took it all in. Oh, merde, I say again this time with tears in my eyes.
Just an hour ago, as I walked the now familiar path back to my apartment in Finglas, I thought “I am miles away from the girl that left Dublin the first time around.” And I truly am. The change in my mentality, in who I am, who I know I am is tremendous. I am glad for that change. I love who I am now, as I love who I was then. I am thankful for the time I spent in Ireland this year. Maybe for the soft piano music playing in the background it is a sad moment. Tears now fully dripping from my eyes, I sit on my bed – is it even mine anymore? Oh, merde.
I stare at the hamper I bought from Ikea months ago and have a flash of the one I have in Montreal. Two realities that collapse together. Ireland was and is a place I am always myself. The struggle will be to overpower the me that resonates with old Montreal, the old me that resides and hides in every corner. But I know I will; I have no choice if I want to survive. Dublin was and is a place of discovery for me, as Montreal is for so many other dreamers but could not be for me for I know it and it knows me too well.
Ireland is not over for me – as there is no real end to anything. I will go where the wind blows me, and if it so happens it blows me back again in Dublin, so be it. I will fully enjoy walking the streets of this beautiful city with all its cobblestones, its midday drunk business people, its many donuts and burger shops. I will gladly stop by to enjoy a pint of Guinness and maybe even a G&T.
Until then, thank you for everything Dublin.
And thank you to all who made my experience here so memorable. You will forever be as engraved in my heart as the River Liffey that runs through the counties that have seen me grow hopefully as much as the great civilization surrounding it.
Fitting it may be for those who know me (and because I am feeling extra corny), here is Enya’s “May It Be” from the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring official soundtrack.